Failure should never be ignored and always be restored.
I’m not perfect, and I fail. You’re not perfect, and you fail. Church leaders are not perfect, and they fail. This is never an excuse to keep failing, but it is a reality, one that both can’t be ignored and that should prompt a restoring response.
As mature adults, we know this response must start by acknowledging facts we and others can bring to the table that we can’t disprove, helping us specify exactly where we’ve failed. Then we must apologize to those our behavior has affected. Finally, we need to transparently do what we can to reverse these effects and prevent similar future mistakes. Easy to say, of course, but each of these steps presents obstacles created by our fear and pride that may keep us from the restoration we and those we impact would benefit from. This is problematic enough on an individual level, but when the failure belongs to church leaders tasked with publicly representing pious behavior and even God himself, avoiding these obstacles and ensuring a restoring response becomes vital.
Although I’ve known many clergy in the midst of a leader’s failure who have humbly and relentlessly done exactly that, I’ve more recently witnessed my own church leaders purposely ignoring facts, claiming unquestionable righteousness, villainizing those who seek reconciliation, and refusing the dialogue restoration requires. They’ve been confronted by multiple people during the past year, including professional counseling advice, and have completely rejected restoration. This process has taught me a great deal about how church leaders can better avoid obstacles to turning failure into restoration. I’ve also learned a lot about how we as laypeople can help them (and ourselves) do the same. I hope you find the following helpful in evaluating failure in your own situations and churches, so that restoration can replace and remain the status quo, as God intended.
Church leaders can destroy obstacles to restoration by:
1. Welcoming, not refusing, dialogue with laypeople who objectively bring concerns to the table.
True, there are complainers who attack people instead of problems, nitpick every time they get upset, or criticize without evidence or any desire to understand the concern in context. It is appropriate to listen once or twice, explain how they can better communicate concerns in the future, and only entertain them again if they engage more objectively. But there are also those who affirm people even while stating concerns, patiently build an evidence-based case, and ask before accusing, acknowledging they may be wrong. Their concerns may make church leaders feel just as defensive as the complainers do, but their approach deserves dialogue, as there is an opportunity for either clarification or conviction to address the issues, depending on who the evidence sides with. If leaders reject any sort of dialogue about objectively established concerns, as our church leaders have, they reject this opportunity for one or both parties to benefit.
2. Recognizing bias and being willing to sacrifice it
Church leaders receive more provision, praise, and prestige the more their institution grows, just as the rest of us often do with our jobs. We are all biased toward what gives increases our livelihood and reputation, even without consciously realizing it. So when evidence demonstrates that the leaders of a church are more interested in growing numerically then in their church’s pursuit of God, especially the more difficult aspects of God, these facts must be acknowledged, however inconvenient bias makes them. Just as it’s wrong for an accountant to perpetuate inaccurate company figures to maintain his job, it’s wrong for pastors to benefit from exaggerating the verifiable statistics or success of a church. For example, our church staff claims to give 25% of its budgeted income to missions, but the financial coordinator confirmed that this is partly used to pay staff salaries, essentially the same as claiming I give $10,000 to charity every year by writing the check to myself.
3. Considering facts and evidence as valuable, not threatening
Church leaders have a long history of ignoring objective evidence to maintain their status quo. God gives us brains and reason to use them, and no title or position in the church absolves us of that responsibility (Click to tweet). Our church leaders labelled the desire for evidence-based discussion “unhealthy” and “unbiblical”, as they felt it undermined their authority and laypeople’s unquestioning acceptance of it. Contrarily, the Bible portrays Jesus constantly highlighting evidence-based concerns about his religious leaders’ behavior (e.g. Matthew 22:15-23:36). They didn’t want the truth; they wanted their status quo. Truth is often hard, it often demands change, and it often reveals the lies we’ve allowed ourselves to believe. However, especially among believers in a Savior who calls himself truth (John 14:6), facts and evidence must be embraced, not feared.
Laypeople can destroy obstacles to restoration by:
1. Asking questions where there seems to be concerns
Not automatically assuming or accusing, but always, always asking. Church leaders may understand context or information about a concern you don’t. Or they may be more controlled by their bias or fear than they realize. Or there may be corruption and intentional deception. The way leaders appear or communicate to laypeople may be identical in each of these situations, but the consequences and needs each presents are vastly different. That’s why it’s dangerous for the non-confrontational among us to accept what church leaders say at face value and for the confrontational among us to reject their words at face value. Intentionally asking which facts, evidence, and explanations they can and are willing to provide often reveals the truth enough to know where restoration is needed, but you can’t know if you don’t ask.
2. Going to the church leaders first, not to others and not to no one
When you do ask about your concerns, Jesus very clearly depicts how to go about bringing such issues to potential offenders (Matthew 18:15-17). In the case of church leaders, go to them first. Then if you’re rejected, go again with other witnesses. Then if you’re rejected again, bring it before the church. We spent a year carefully and patiently following this process with our church leaders, and their repeated rejection is the only reason you’re reading this right now. As we’d all rather have someone confront us individually instead of publicly, we all must resist the temptation to gossip about concerns behind our leaders’ backs. People aren’t restored by us talking to others about them; doing so only creates the need to be restored ourselves. And people also aren’t restored by us talking to no one. If you care about someone, you’ll care about them more than your standing with them, so voice your concerns to them and create restoration where the truth demands.
3. Remembering church leaders’ successes along with their failures
I’m not perfect, and I fail. You’re not perfect, and you fail. Church leaders are not perfect, and they fail. This is never an excuse to keep failing, but it is never all of who we are either. Just as their strengths and triumphs should not lead us to ignore their failures, the vice versa is also true. Where they are already restored often reminds us of where we need to be, even as we take part in their restoration. The Christian God is one who maximizes restoration from failure, so why should we not do the same? The gifts of our church leaders continue to challenge me, even as I have challenged them, and I am thankful for that.
Failure should neither be defended or ignored; instead it should always be acknowledged and restored (Click to tweet). Me, you, and church leaders too have the opportunity to turn mistakes into miracles, and we have a God who has done the same so many times. May we all enjoy such restoration in our lives and churches! To explore the most important way God can do this in each of our lives, check out my free ebook series Healing Hereafter, particularly Booklet 2. Download it in two clicks right here.
